Edward Alderton Theatre Home | News | This Season | Next Season | Bookings | Auditions | Members | Archive | History | Location | Links | Contact Us   Fings Ain't Wot They Used T'Be by Frank Norman, lyrics by Lionel Bart Directed by Neal Flux 3-10 December 1983 (7 performances) Fred Cochran is a down-at-heel gangster, trying to make a comeback. Lil Smith is his loyal moll, a tart with a heart of gold, who longs for respectability and keeps a marriage licence ready for her lucky day. Fred's gambling den provides a refuge for the failures of the underworld: Paddy the gambler, Tosher the ponce with his girls Betty and Rosey, and Redhot, a sad little burglar who never manages to get warm. They all look to Fred for a living and when he wins on the horses it seems the gang may be back in business... Cast Frederick Cochran Bob Lacey Lily Smith Vera Robinson Paddy Tony Donnelly Sergeant Collins Derek Goulding Policewoman Beryl Smith Police Constable George Everett Betty Pam Leadley Rosey Georgia Robinson Sally Susan Hampton Mystery Carol La Roche Tosher David Hampton Redhot Dave Phillips The Brass Upstairs Avis Taboni Horace Seaton Paul Jennings George the Builder Brian Senner Gamblers Martin Heard, George Everett, Mike Ames Percy Fortesque Mike Higginson Myrtle Gillian Johnson Busker Martin Heard Teddy Girls Jeanette Smith, Lianne Glanville, Anne Turner, Andrea Hampton Teddy Boy Paul Castle, Mitchell Cockrane Priest Martin Heard Crew Stage Manager Dick Lovell Assistant Stage Managers Pearl Ayling, Freda Phillips Set Design Neal Flux, Derek Goulding Costumes Ann Kirby Lighting and Sound Design Gary Lacey, Bernard Tilley Musical Direction Derek Goulding Pianist Bob Phillips Review 'Fings' is a real winter warmer Edward Alderton Theatre's cockney treat Fings Ain't Wot They Used T'Be was a real winter warmer with laughter all the way in the Frank Norman tale of a faded gangland Godfather and his cafe cronies.  Fine comic performances with impressive timing and spirited, convincingly raw-edged rendering of the Lional Bart lyrics left no doubt that these were no-goods with hearts of gold. Best bet of the late was Dave Philips' Redhot, who was a tea leaf with dregs. The cockney quips flew thick and fast but his deadpan dumbo routine never faltered, bringing some hysterical moments. Praise too for David Hampton's Tosher, the ponce with a brazen band of brasses, harrassed through every mishap - including the opening night collapse of a telephone which just made it all the funnier. Affairs of the heart rather than the pocket were left to Lily, for whom the game is over, and her reluctant Romeo Razor King Fred Cochran. Vera Robinson and Bob Lacey were a pair to put your money on, a prime example of good casting by director Neal Flux. Two characters making the most of their roles were Derek Goulding as bent copper Sergeant Collins, dreaming of a cafe of his own, and Brian Senner camping it up as the gay builder George, ever at the shoulder of designer Horace (Paul Jennings). The many faces of Martin Heard were more of the play's many extras. A razor sharp chorus of Carve Up from the crowd of Teddy Boys and Girls sounded the harsh note of danger as rival Meat Face sought revenge on Fred, but the happy ending was always on the cards. Derek Goulding, doubling as musical director, deserved a good share of the winnings for using the mixed bag of voices to such poignant, raucous and hilarious effect. Pianist Bob Phillips played a key role too, with accuracy, flair and stamina. The versatile company is developing a good record and with this musical play - ideal for Christmas - was truly on good form. SH Bexley Times | 15 December 1983